My days as I see them

Just thoughts

2007-01-23T08:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish that this legal thing with my son would just end one way or another. I know this is not right for a mother to say it makes me feel horrible that I even have these thoughts. I am so very tired of feeling it is my responsibility to put in his head what he needs to get done or that he has class, etc. I feel that my words fall on deaf ears. I talk and talk and talk until I am blue in the face so to speak. Here is one of my examples:

Sunday night I spoke with my son, he told me he would be home that night because he had a drug court class at 8am (which he needed me to take him to). I get up Monday morning and no son (really I am not shocked by this, a habit of his. I go about my business getting ready for work, expecting him to call me or show up before I leave to work so I can drop him off at class. I actually wait around a few (always trying to be there for him) and no son. I finally leave for work, and of course I can not let any situation go, so I call him. He answers and said he was heading for class, I start to get pissed and tell him that I waited around because our last conversation I was going to drop him off. (but of course his cell phone goes dead ending our conversation before I could get this out).... I actually saw him heading for our house in someone's car when I was leaving for work.

Later in the evening Monday, I told son how annoyed I was that he doesn't have any consideration for me, that he could of called letting me know he had it handled for his ride etc. I tried talking to him about him being out at night which always leads to a bad situation. Let me back track for a minute. Son and his girlfriend broke up about a 2 weeks ago. Son can not be alone, has a long line of girls. He is using these girls for rides and I am sure companionship. Talking to son, letting him know that jumping from someone he supposedly loved to these girls is not in his best interest. I am sure this all fell on deaf ears. He absolutely does WHAT he wants. And uses me when it is convenient for him otherwise I am thrown to the wind. When I question him about why and what he is doing he gets annoyed. Told me that he doesn't have to explain his actions to me. So I told him than I don't have to help him, meaning not reminding him of events or places he has to be at. Something to that affect. Of course it all ended in a fight.

My feelings are if he doesn't choose to stay home come home go to bed decent hour, in order to work and make classes. He doesn't make good descisions. Why does he have to have a girl to share his bed (or their bed) with every night. I am not getting it. I see a diaster waiting to happen. But me trying to get him to think a different way and think about his actions doesn't get heard.

So of course here we are Tuesday morning and again he said he would be home, to go to class in the morning. No son, (shocked I am not) well time for me to leave for work came and I left. And this morning I DID NOT call him to ask him if he was going to his 8am class nor has he called me to tell me he is fine and going to class. I just think this is so inconsiderate on his part. I do so much to help him and he can't even give me the courtesy of reassuring me everything is okay and he is making class.

This goes on every day, same inconsiderate behavior on his part. I put myself out to make sure he gets where and what needs to be done. And I am always an after thought or used when he needs me.

Yes he is 23 years old soon to be 24. He knows what the repercussions are if he doesn't attend class or take a drug test on his days. He has already had too due
community service assigned by his counselor and by the judge. He is well aware they are serious about these things. Next time he will have to do time spent in the local county jail, which could be up to 10 days. He knows all this. So I know I need to just let him deal with the repercussions, he never pays a price for anything he does wrong. Geez don't you think if you were facing all this, you would care more about your decisions. Probably doesn't sound like he is doing anything wrong with hanging with these girls but son is known to hang with strippers and not so nice girls, which means drinking. Which he is not supposed to do, and I think he is addict to alcohol.

Alright this is turning into a book, I told you to bare with me. More than likely I will have more to say later today. It does help me to stay off the phone with calling him, writing this all done. I know I have created the scenerio I am in and I have to break it.

Just babble...

2007-01-09T19:12:00.000-08:00

Today is Tuesday and nothing tragic has happened, so it is a good day. I just never know when something is going to happen, I am always on edge waiting for the other shoe drop. Anyways enough of this subject for today.

Work is extremely busy but I really like it. I don't have a specific job that I can pin point but just a lot of this and that. But that is okay with me, I have my hands in a lot of pots which broadens my knowledge. Might even get the chance to travel to a few areas to check out inventory of slot machines. If that happens I am very excited, I am ready for this kind of change in my life.

Did I mention I need a money tree??? Any ideas???? My son (with our help) purchased a piercing business in 2005, he was not very good at controlling the money therefore has put it into some financial trouble. I have for the last year been trying to keep it afloat. But some days I just can't catch a break, it is always something, licenses due, jewelry to order, bills to pay, etc.... Never ends.

Like I said this is just some babble for the day, boring I know but sometimes boring is very acceptable in my life.

Rock Climbing

2007-01-04T21:05:00.000-08:00

This post is actually about something fun in my life (I know shocker)... So anyways on with the story. Last weekend my sister asked me if I wanted to try indoor rock climbing, she offered to pay for our beginner lesson and the first month if we liked it. So the beginner class was last night, and it was alot of fun. I had years ago done some indoor climbing and liked it than also. But I have to say my triceps are barking tonight, wooo just a tad sore but a good sore. We also got a 3 times punch card, so that will be cool we can go 3 more times before we have to pay. So thats it for the fun post.

Off my chest...

2007-01-02T13:35:00.000-08:00

I am really bugged today and of course it is because of my son, (surprise, surprise). I know I should let it go but dang it is all I can think of, it makes my heart race (which I am calling an anxiety attack). I have not heard from my son all day. This is probably no big deal to most but I usually talk to him daily. More to remind him of things to get done. Yes you are saying good lord the man is 23 years old why is mom reminding him of things. Well this is my point why I am driving myself completely crazy. I have done it for so long I am having a hard time stopping. Anyways back to today's issue. Have not heard from son all day and it is after 1pm where I am at. I want so bad to call him and ask if he took care of calling in to drug court, and I want to so bad to ask him if he is going to class tonight. But I am trying to let him take control of his own life. He is very lazy on simple things which is what gets him into alot of trouble. So I took it upon myself to keep him out of trouble and remind him of task to complete. It will be very very sad if he goes to prison because he was incapable of following through on the simplest of task like checking in to drug court, going to classes and contacting probation officers. But I can see this happening. However I am the end of my ropes with him. I have tried and tried and tried. I feel very used by him, he lies and uses me. Yes, he is a user and I have allowed this to happen. Can not explain the lying, but it is over the stupidest things, I don't get it. Bottom line is he makes his own decisions. As someone told me recently it is "free will".... I am absolutely sure son has not called me today because he doesn't need anything from me.

Well hopefully writing this down will keep me from grabbing my cell phone a little bit longer. I so DO NOT want to call. Maybe time for a little pill to help mommy....

New Year post

2007-01-01T21:08:00.000-08:00

Well hello again.... This is the start of me writing on my blog (yeah for me).... So let me just start by saying the year is starting out good so far; good for me at this point is neither of my children went to jail last night. Last year was a very very long year, my nightmare began in May and has not gotten any easier. The stress on me has taken a toll, I finally broke down, went to my doctor talked about the anxiety and panic attacks I was going thru on a daily bases. I am feeling better now, I go back to the doctor tomorrow, she will check on how I am doing on the medicine. I don't feel any different but I believe it is a sutle fix. While driving to work I am having less and less panic attacks (which were happening for no reason that I could pin point all through out the day). I will be writing my feelings a lot especially the ordeal and how it has affected my life, families, etc. Maybe I will actually have something good to blog about in the days to come. Honestly I should give my daughter a lot of credit she doesn't get enough attention from us because I am so focused on her brother. Don't get me wrong my daughter knows how important she is to me, we talk daily and see each other almost daily but my energy is spent on my son, which is unfair to her. I am trying to work on myself as well and change these things. What I am trying to say which isn't coming out correctly is, my daughter wants me around and appreciates us as parents and people. My son doesn't seem to appreciate what we as parents have done for him especially over this last year (not that I want the thanks, what I want is for him to make correct decisions that keep him out of trouble). He is very selfish at this point in his life and it affects all of us. Daughter and I have a great relationship, I need to focus on this more. I let all my engery get wrapped in my son's issues, and this affects my daughter as well because she sees me upset and totally dislikes what her brother is doing to me. Well let me wrap this night up, I will get in the son situation in another blog otherwise this will turn into a huge rant of sorts, stay tuned.

Making money

2006-11-16T09:46:00.000-08:00

So I guess I need to post on this blog alittle bit more to see if I can earn some extra cash by just letting some advertising reside on my blog (anyone done this with success)?. Seriously I have been wanting to update my summer story but haven't made it over here I still feel like I raised a son who doesn't know right from wrong and that somehow it is my fault. I had a really hard summer with my children and legal issues. After tomorrow the final outcome will be revealed. So I will make a pact with myself to start posting again. Stay tuned.

Adult children......

2006-06-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

My feelings on adult children is I don't like being a mother to them. They make their own decisions which have severe consequences to themselves as well as other family members. You raise them in a "perfect" home environment, 2 parents, stable home etc. or as close to perfect as there is. So what goes wrong? Did we spoil them? Not make them responsible for their actions when they were younger?

This is the beginning of my writings about what has happened. I was very inspired by a few others blog and I assume it helps get it out of their head by putting it down somewhere, so I am going to try this type of therapy. I have all these built up feelings and I feel like I am going to explode at times. I have to admit on the other hand I am scared to put out this personal business, part of me is embarrassed as to what actually happen, and don't want to be looked down upon because of it, nor have my children thought of as lower class humans.

Decisions, decisions.....

Month of May

2006-06-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

Well I am alive and kicking. But last month has been a total nightmare. Some bad things have happen and we are dealing with them. But it is affecting everyone in our family. I have had a very rough last 3 weeks which makes me feel like I have been in a lifetime movie that never seems to end or an episode of the Soprano's. Things will hopefully get better as time goes on but its something I hope I never have to experience again. I know this posting sounds mysterious but I am not ready to talk about it.

But I have been checking in on my favorite blog gals, Mom and Addict. You too keep me going sometimes, glad you both are blogging so I have somewhere to go and read about someone else's day. Hugs to you both...

Current update.....

2006-05-04T08:39:00.000-07:00

I tried to post an update yesterday, but blogger hosed my post when I tried to spell check. Anywhooo....

Life seems to be pretty calm right now. I am thinking it is too calm and continually wait for the shoe drop where my son is concerned. His stuff usually comes flying at me out of the blue. He appears currently to be on track but that sometimes is an illusion. Yes, I sound very negative with him, I know he has it in him to do the right thing, but I am not sure what possesses to make wrong decisions and than not take care of them.

Daughter is doing fantastic, she started beauty school on Tuesday. She so far seems to love it, beauty stuff is right up her alley. She is a girlie girl. It will take her 2 years to complete, but at least she will have something other than the piercing shop. Plus if her brother keeps screwing up in that area there won't be a piercing shop. I can't support it any longer, but that is another story.

My new job is going wonderfully, I could not of asked for a better job change. This new job is completely different from what I was doing but that is what I like about it.

Going to Sac, Ca this weekend to surprise one of our YaYa's for her birthday. There is 4 of us from around the states, and we are all coming in and she has no idea..... I don't think I will be repeating my experience when I went to New York. Okay I know you are wondering what experience, I tied one on the last night we were there and let me tell you it was not a fun night nor next morning which we had to fly out that day. I thought I was dying......

Got a new Laptop, it has been 4 years since I updated. I previously had a sony Vaio which I loved, so I decided to stick with the same brand. This laptop is awesome and has some very cool built in features. One of the nice features it has a built in Webcam, (no I am not using it for nudity LOL), my mom and I are having a blast on yahoo messenger and using the webcams.

So that is my updates for now, hope things are still rolling along for my 2 favorite bloggers, and of course anyone else that might read this blog. The sun is finally shining so I can not complain. I love the sun!!!!!

Later.................

Monday-first day of the workweek...

2006-04-10T19:12:00.000-07:00

Well I survived Monday, they seem to come so quick and the weekend seems to go to quickly. However, work was great. If I didn't mention it before I love my new job, just being out from under the old boss is reason enough to like the new job.

Our weather still SUCKS here in Nevada. I really can not wait for some warmer weather to come our way. The gloom of clouds is very depressing. Especially day in day out. Give me SUN shine....

Sunday......

2006-04-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

So Em and Mom, Labor day is a possibility. Just a heads up, hopefully it won't matter much, but my husband will want to go and golf, we have some friends in Vegas and Jeff loves to golf with him. And like I mentioned before, my friend Diana is a kick in the pants so I would like her to hang with us. So lets put some serious thought into it....

Hope you are both having a wonderful Sunday. I am going with my daughter and sister to check out the new mall South of town, suppose to be higher end stores. From what I hear it is more of an outdoor situation. The weather isn't perfect today, but we shouldn't freeze our butts off either. It is overcast with a slight wind so hopefully we can tough it out.

Remember me whining about the kids never wanting to come over??? Well that isn't the case so much anymore. Daughter and her boyfriend are over here almost ever night sitting in the hot tub. I love having her around but there schedule and my schedule aren't quiet the same. I am winding down after 8pm and they are just getting off work and don't always make it over until 9 or after. It's not that I have to entertain them but some nights you just want peace and quiet. You know turn off all the lights, lay on the couch and veg.... I know, I know, here I complained about being lonely now all I want is to be alone. Never satisfied am I????

Well off to the mall, check in later with you ladies...

To my 2 Favorite bloggers.....

2006-03-30T18:48:00.000-08:00

Hey Mom and Em, just wanted to let you both know things with me are going really good. I transfered positions within my company and it is going really good, but keeping me very very busy.

Grand daughter is doing great as well as Jessica, and Justin is just Justin right now. I am hoping he will grow up in a few years and realize how incredibly STUPID his choices are.

Hubby is doing good, just really anxious to get some warm weather here (Mom want to throw some of that AZ heat this way?).....

So that is a short and sweet update.

Oh yeah, so MOM I know you are dying to meet Em and I in Vegas, wouldn't we have just a blast. And I have a girl friend who lives there and she is a kick in the pants also. So if either of you are serious maybe we can really plan something.

Saturday

2006-03-18T18:01:00.000-08:00

Kyla is with her Dad this weekend, which means I get to enjoy her while Justin works. Next week is Justin's 23rd birthday and since Kyla is here this weekend it is a good time to celebrate (plus who knows if it is possible to pin Justin down next weekend). Kyla, Papa and I went to the store for dinner and a cake for tonight. Kids should start to come over after 7pm.

Kyla took a really good nap, so she is currently in a great mood. As most parents and grandparents can attest their children or grandchildren are the brightest. Well I am no different. Kyla is only 4 years old but carrying on a conversation with her is like talking to a much older child. She is wise beyond her years. So that is my bragging for the day.

Friday

2006-03-18T17:59:00.000-08:00

Today was spent moving my cubes and basically a very non productive day. I am so glad to be starting a new job with new people on Monday. Jessica and Ryan came over to sit in the hot tub, I finally decided to join them (haven't sat in tub for over a 2 months) it felt so good. Especially with the cold weather it was very warm. But getting in and out is a shock to the system.

I have been hooked on Pogo.com lately. I love earning the tokens. Not sure what I will do with them all. My Mom had originally givin me her password and I was just as happy to build her tokens, than the other night she bought me a 6 month membership. You can actually win cash on the games, but I seem to always miss the jackpot spin that pays off. So we continue to build tokens. Oh and with a membership the money is doubled. Anyways, if you want to be hooked, hop over to pogo.com.

March update

2006-03-13T18:35:00.000-08:00

Life has been really full some happy times and some disappointments. But the good news I have to share right now is I have a new job within the same company I have been with for 15 years, but I get to finally expand my horizons. I can not hardly wait. I have been very busy with trying to get my son's piercing business back up to parr, very time consuming and draining. Which I am going to use as my excuse for not being around much since January (is it working????).....

Jessica is doing great she is still currently working at the piercing shop but she has decided to go to Cosmetology school. I am very happy with this, I want her to have something to fall back on and not rely strictly on the piercing business.

Justin is Justin. He can not seem to keep himself out of trouble. He currently still has the piercing business. He is getting ready to turn 23 but needs to seriously get his head on straight, he has so much for a young man but he doesn't appreciate things like he should. Enough said, maybe I'll expand more on the Justin subject at another time.

Kyla, the grand daughter is just a totally kick in the pants. She is a sweet little girl who is well beyond her little 4 years of age. I love having her around.

Husband is doing okay, hates his job but is too lazy or comfortable in what he does day to day that he can't seem to muster enough energy to find something else. Other than that he is golfing as much as the weather permits.

We are having company around March 24th, my dad and his wife for the weekend. My dad hasn't been here since my son graduated in 2001, and my step-mother has never been to our house that we have lived in for 10 years or so. They are from Sweet Home, Or. I am very much looking forward to their visit.

Well that is about all I have to share for now. Thanks for popping in and checking on me. Hugs to you all.....

Vegas weekend...

2006-01-27T07:47:00.000-08:00

This is the weekend we get to go see Inxs with the new lead singer JD Fortune. Can't wait.... He is one young cutie...

Boring weekend...

2006-01-23T18:10:00.000-08:00

The weekend wasn't very productive. Did get the laundry done. Kyla was pretty sick all weekend and started to feel better Sunday. So I took a cue from her and didn't do much either. Oh yeah I balanced my checkbook which hasn't been done since Nov. Which was not a very good idea to let it go so long, it did not balance very good. I normally don't wait that long, but with thanksgiving and going to New York and Christmas just didn't make it a priority. Bad choice on my part.

So on to other things. Jessica is not handling stress very well, she seems to explode over little things and it turns into more. Her and I went to our local GP, talked with her and she put Jessica on Welbutrin (spelling) Jessica has been taking it for going on her 3rd week. The doctor told her it would just make things seem less stressful and she would get pass things alot faster. I sure don't see it working for her, she still lets the little things mount into much bigger issues, the problem is during this episodes with her there is no talking to her, she just keeps ranting on,and on. She calms down eventually but during that time she is no fun to be around. She took the Welbutrin because Jessica doesn't want to get on medicine that she can't get off easily or that messes with her chemical balance to much. I understand where she is coming from but I am concerned that she lets the little things turn into bigger problems. So she is going to talk with the doctor again. I asked Jessica if she wanted to go talk with someone, and she said she wasn't a depressed person. I tried to tell her that is not all that they deal with. But she doesn't want to talk with anyone.

That is enough for now.

Sorry Em and Mom

2006-01-20T18:51:00.000-08:00

I had to turn on word verification I keep getting junk post from this one place called the diaper king, and I don't know any other way to avoid it. If either of you know what else I can do let me know.

Here we go again....

2006-01-20T18:30:00.000-08:00

I promised myself I would write my thoughts down on a more consistent bases but here I let a few weeks go by without any thoughts. Not that I haven't had any thoughts because I have all kinds of thoughts just the energy to log them.

Justin and Jessica are going about their lives, so the evenings are quiet; which most of the time isn't too bad I have decided. Work has been extremely busy and working my brain waves way too much. I haven't had anytime during the day lately to do any personal things, that is just wrong (you would think they pay me to work).....

Poor little Kyla she is sick, she vomited once in my car mainly on herself. Didn't really think much of it, but she was saying she didn't feel good and just wanted to lay on the couch. Well about 30 minutes later she was taken over by the vomit monster and it was projecting out of her. And to top it all off I couldn't clean it up fast enough before the dogs got to it, just nasty. SO hopefully whoever is reading this is not reading during a meal time. Hopefully she will be better tomorrow.

Another rainy day......

2006-01-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

I am beginning to think we are going to float away, might have to build an ark. Still raining in our little town. Rain used to not bother me; but with Justin and Jessica living so close to the Truckee River now it is always a concern. I am off today have to return to the grind tomorrow not really looking forward to it. Got alot done yesterday as I mentioned earlier helped Jessica move, most of the laundry is done (still need to put it away) also got the Christmas stuff down and if I didn't mention it earlier now the house looks pretty darn sterile too clean and bare. It is amazing how non cluttered the house looks without all the Christmas stuff out. I do love a non cluttered house but looks to empty right now.

Moving day....

2006-01-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

Today Jessica is moving her belongings to her brothers house. She has been basically staying with her boyfriend at a friends house. Moving to Justin's place will be more permanent for her. Plus she will be way more comfortable, and able to have her personal belongings around. And I am comforted in knowing if anything happen between her and the boyfriend she still has a place to live. The down side of the day is moving everything in the rain. I am not upset with this move I am actually excited, I have had my sad days with her moving on. Now it is time to look for the bright side of things so I am looking forward to having one more spare room and ohhh does she have a closet organizer that is awesome (my clothes will have room to stretch out)...

Treacherous ending for 2005-flooding Reno Nevada

2005-12-31T11:40:00.000-08:00

So here I sit glued to the tv watching the news. Our river is flooding which is causing major issues in our town. My son's area which is Lockwood is being evacuated. He is in a flood zone which means his mortgage requires him to carry flood insurance so at least if something terrible happens he can recover. And my sister is literally stuck out at her place, we heard there is only 1 exit out for them which is more a back way out probably through the desert.

New 2006, New attitude......

2005-12-30T18:31:00.000-08:00

Well for those that still come around and read I am starting the new year off with updating my blog again. I think about blogging all the time but seem to be to lazy to actually type my thoughts, plus some things that are going on in my life I haven't felt the courage to share. This is very draining emotionally, I find myself stressing over things I really have NO control over. For the last month I have just been content to stay up with a few blogs (Mom's, and Addicts). You both are always in my thoughts and I stay up with your blogs daily. I hope to have more time to share my silly babble with who ever might be interested. I have been told by some that writing your thoughts can be therapeutic, lets just see.

December personally was a really good month, went to New York, NY the first week of Dec. had a blast. New York in December is just beautiful. Saw the Rockafella tree, went ice skating in Central Park, took a horse and carriage ride around Central park, saw a broadway play (Wicked), bought a Louis Vuitton purse, got drunk, visted ground zero whew I am tired just from writing all that. All that in 4 days. Oh got to see a crime scene being investigated right next to our hotel. This was my second trip to New York last was at the same time of year. I would love to go in the summer.

Than there were the birthdays (yes we have 2 just before Christmas and 1 the day after) but since they are all children and related somehow, we just had a group birthday. This will work for a short time. Then Christmas and all the family company and entertaining. So December has been full with not alot of down time. Plus with some of what is going on in my life when my son has his daughter they have to stay at my house so down time is rare. But my goal for the upcoming new year is to take time and write in my blog....

Here is the whole gang that attended Christmas dinner at my house.
Back row: Jon, Jeff (dear husband), Justin with the thumbs up (son), Mike
Middle row: Ryan, Jessica (daughter), Andrea, little Sam (niece), my Mom, Rachel, Eric, Faydra (my sister), Nik (nephew) , the big boy to the far right is my brother Adam
Front row: Me, Cierra (niece), Makyla (grand-daughter)

Last few days.....

2005-11-20T08:12:00.000-08:00

So here it is Sunday morning, pretty quite, chilli morning here in Reno, Nevada currently 31 degrees. So I am sitting by our new pellet stove staying very toasty while I type. Alright now that you have the correct picture. Yesterday was filled with joy, my sister adopted her 2nd child, she has 3 children now. 1 biological, 2 adopted. Well this little girl she adopted is the most precious little thing there is, she was abandon at birth and tested posited for drugs. Which is why she was placed with my sister who is a foster mom (she only had a trace and the mom only used in the very end, so this little girl has no problems). Well no valid family members came forward so she was available for adoption and my sister got first choice. Little Samantha has been with my sister since she was released from the hosiptal like 2 days old, Sam has had no other home, except for giving birth it is like she has always belonged in Faydra's family. Yesterday was adoption day, so several families got additions to their families yesterday. It was just as emotional as when my sister gave birth to Cierra. Plus little Sam carries my name as her middle name, it doesn't sound very good together but what the hey, guess I better make up for it while she is young so she won't think Faydra was crazy for her name LOL....

P.S. can you tell I love my new camera. It is so easy to share pics...

Full house....

2005-11-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

Okay remember all my complaints about the kids not being around? Well tonight is not one of those nights, currently they are in the hot tub, have eatin all Jeff's leftovers (which he was going to take for lunch, and I am sure he will not be happy in the morning), dishes in the sink, Kyla has left a string of toys all over the house but I love it. I should be sitting in the hot tub with them but it is so damn cold outside right now I don't want to go out there, especially because that would require me to get out wet, and I HATE THE COLD..... Anyways that is my Wednesday night (smiling with love in my heart).....

Jessica, Justin, Kyla & Ryan (Jess's boyfriend)

Justin, Jessica and Kyla

Rob Thomas

2005-11-15T20:27:00.000-08:00

My sister and I went to the Rob Thomas concert Sunday night and let me tell you it was fantastic; one of the better concerts I have been to. If I was ever going to cheat it would be with Rob.

Me and my sister Faydra

Rob Thomas

Some updates.....

2005-11-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

The party Jessica and went to last Sunday was nice, Jessica was sick but she did her best to be socialable. Than we went shopping for a baby gift for a friends shower. The time spent with her made my heart swell. She did go to the doctors on Monday and got medicine which she was in need of so a week later she is almost back to herself.

Justin has broken it off with his current live in, which is good and bad. Justin does not understand the effect he is having on Kyla (his daughter) by having different women in and out of his life. But if you ask me (we for the most of society) are selfish and only think about our emotional needs. Justin is no different. Soon to be ex girlfriend has a ton of emotional baggage, she takes pills to even herself out, and has a drinking problem on top of it all. So the poor girl is a total wreck. Justin is too young to deal with that for years to come, so on this side of it it is a good thing it is over. But on the other side she was really really good with Kyla, as for her basic day to day needs. I hate to say it but Justin is a very sloppy male and it reflects on how his basic day to day care of his daughter is. So anyways Kyla of course asks where is S? Poor thing this is the 2nd live in less than a year for her to see go away.

So the fun thing to share is I bought a new camera and just love it. It is small but packs a powerful picture. I have been having fun with it. And I also picked up an external CD/DVD burner (my internal in the laptop took a dump) this burner is pretty cool, I can burn images on the top of the cd's (called lightscribing)....

Well I am off to shower and make myself presentable for a babyshower this afternoon. Have a happy Saturday.

a few pictures to share...

2005-11-06T08:24:00.000-08:00

Niece Cierra and Makyla

Jessica and Makyla

Daddy and Makyla

Makyla as a pretty little witch and friend.

Sunday with daughter.....

2005-11-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

Today Jessica and I are suppose to go to a jewerly party, like a brunch no sales pitch just food and catalogs and female conversation. The jewelry is silver, so we shall see if we like anything. Than her and I are going shopping. I am really looking forward to spending the day with her. She has been pretty sick hopefully she will be able to make it.

Surprise, Surprise

2005-11-03T20:13:00.000-08:00

It has been over a month since I have felt like blogging, but never fear I have been keeping an eye on my friends blogs and I must say you guys are very interesting. So anyways I am alive and well, just have been in a some what of an internet slump. Probably brought on by my mood, which is probably due to my inability to snap out of my self pity party from having an empty nest around my house. The mood comes and goes. My days are full with work, but the evenings seem to drag on.

My daughter is really great about calling me through out the day, and I talk with my son as well (okay so I have to call him but that is besides the point) talking with them brightens my day but than the day turns to night and the loneliness sets in. My dear husband is trying his best, he makes sure to actually sit down with me at the table to eat dinner, but as much as I appreciate him it doesn't always make the depression go away.

I know this will get better but sometimes it feels like it won't. Well I have whined enough for this little therapy session thanks for reading my babble.

Not enough hours in the days lately.......

2005-09-14T08:05:00.000-07:00

So as some of you noticed I have been missing in action lately. Life is so hectic right now I am not getting my internet time. Between work, school and grown children the days are not long enough.

First work is busy but in a good way, one of our top modelers is leaving the company which benefits me in a good way, it increases my work load but the knowledge I am gaining over all this change is awesome.

School, I already dropped my Western Religion class (did not like the reading, not something I was interested in so it was hard to read the material), still enrolled in Accounting which I like (hoping it will help me with Justin's business) but I haven't been able to devote enough time to get everything completed that should be done to stay on top. Probably will need to spend a whole weekend catching up.

Grown children, when they come over it is usually a party with lots of their friends, so of course I have to mingle with them (because I am a cool mom LOL), but they usually are at the house until late therefore, nothing gets done. I love them wanting to hang out at the house but sometimes like I said there just is not enough hours in a day.

Oregon trip, it is funny now but at the time it was the trip from hell. It is only about 500 miles from Reno to Sweet Home, Oregon. Should of only taken us about 8 hours, well traveling with 2 children and a total of 7 people, 2 vehicles it took us 11 1/2 hours going and 12 hours coming back. My precious granddaughter was the primary culprit for pit stops, but once we stop for a potty break someone else always decides that they need to go as well. So each stop probably lasted no less than 20 minutes. Anyhooo, the visit with my dad and family was great (quick and short but great). This is the first time my dad got to meet his great granddaughter and I got to meet my niece and nephew. No complaints there. Just the traveling time, I hate driving long distances to begin with and to drag it out was like being in HELL, LOL....

And Emily sorry that it did not work out with us making our way to Salem, after the long drive Friday night we thought we might try to see you Saturday evening but we missed you at the shop. Sunday we had the best intentions to get up and leave back home early so we could be in by around 6pm but that of course went haywire somewhere (too many potty breaks).... Jeff and I are going to go visit my brother in Portland (flying of course) and we will catch you then for sure, aren't you about 2 hours or so from Portland?

Well I think I might need some cheese to go with my whine so I will stop here and take a breather. Thanks for reading my days as I seem.

Seven Things (tagged by Emily)

2005-08-26T13:45:00.000-07:00

Seven things you plan to do before you die!!

1. Go to Hawaii
2. Move to a bigger house (I like plenty of room to move around)
3. Write a will (morbid, but I don’t have one yet) ME TOO…
4. Get the new 2006 IS Lexus (before it is 10 years old)
5. Retire early (while I am young)
6. Skydive (after my Will is written of course)
7. Win the Lottery

Seven things you can do!!

1. Handle all the household finances
2. Read body language well (drove my kids nuts when they were lying) ME TOO….
3. Spend money
4. Multi Task (especially while driving, I know scary isn’t it? LOL)
5. Love my children unconditionally
6. Keep peace amongst family members and keep everyone connected
7. Be a good friend

Seven things you can't do!!!

1. open canned dog food (the smell makes me want to vomit)
2. have dirty/dry feet
3. Cook well
4. Can’t cry at sappy movies
5. Sleep naked (I know TMI)
6. Tolerate someone hurting my children
7. Rap music can’t listen to it

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex!!

1. Nice calves
2. Hair (I tend to go for blondes)
3. Smart but not an arse about it
4. Taller than I am and weighs more than me
5. Considerate
6. Nice bum (I agree this does not hurt)
7. Overall good hygiene but not metro sexual about it

Seven things you say most!!!

1. “I love you”
2. “Thank you”
3. "What are the dogs doing?"
4. "are you going out tonight?"
5. "Did you just smoke a cigar?"
6. "what would you like for dinner tonight” (not because I cook but I pull out the menus to order from)
7. "Did you feed the dogs"

Seven celebrity crushes!!!

1. Tom Welling (he can be my Superman any day, I know I said I loved blondes but this is one Brunette I’d take in a heart beat)
2. Sam Elliott
3. Patrick Swayze
4. Taye Diggs5. Rob Thomas
6. Sandra Bullock (she is just so adorable)
7. ??? stumped for the last one

Seven people you want to take this quiz..

Note: I don't have seven blogger friends, I know how incredibly sad that is.
1. Cathy
2. Faydra
3. Wendy
4. Maureen
5. Andrew
6. Kelley
7. Kelli

The lying days of the young.......

2005-08-19T22:19:00.000-07:00

Not sure if it is all children that lie or just mine. I know the reason I am lied to but it just makes me so mad, hurt you know the whole realm of emotions. I know that they don't want to hear me getting mad or telling them they might be wrong in what they are doing so it is easier to lie. I have this bad habit of drilling them, I ask the question and I seem to rephrase everywhich I can think of. Of course I don't get the answers I am seeking so everytime I talk to either of them I make the mistake of bringing up the same questions again, and again and again. So you see why they don't tell me anything. My sister has been a great help these days, trying to get me to drop things instead of giving myself an ulcer over things I can't get solved.

Sometimes I feel like they live a secret life and I am not part of it. I do remember being young myself and I am absolutely sure I did things that I never told my mother about. But now years later I am a mother of grown children and I thought the relationships would be different with my children.

So I ask the age old question "why don't the young listen to the elder"? It would make their life less difficult, however I realize everyone has to learn their own lessons in life but it still sucks.

Better today......

2005-08-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

Feeling better about life today, the days are always easier to handle than the nights. The loneliness is a hundred times stronger when I have time to dwell and we all know what dwelling gets us (oil) hahaha..... Seriously, Jessica decided she might need to slow down somewhat in order to be able to afford the move. Possibly purchase some necessary items first like microwave, dishes, towels, sheets, etc...... The list could go on and on. I, however started to gander at apartments to see what Margaret and Jessica could afford. In the meantime Margaret, Jessica's best friend needs to decide if she truly wants to move out, stay tuned.

Pity Party

2005-08-10T21:23:00.000-07:00

For the last few days I have been having a pity party with no one to invite. I feel so empty inside. I am not able to describe my exact feelings but I know I am very lonely these days and nothing seems to feel the void. With my youngest now 18 and living her own life I am lost. In some ways nothing has changed, she still hangs in her room when she is home instead of with me, but like I have mentioned before it is the night time action that has been driving me crazy. I think I have been wearing my feeling on my shoulders because nothing she says to me sounds very nice which than usually leads to a small riff. In the end she has been thinking of moving out, which just adds to my emptiness. I know deep down inside this is her assertiveness to move towards her own life but I am feeling like I have chased her away. I thrive for the perfect mother/daughter relationship I am just not sure I have been going about it the right way. I know the old saying "if you love something set it free, blah blah blah blah" but it is harder to do than one would think. Than there is my son, who I know loves me but I want more attention from him also. I think some of my problem is I don't know who I am without my children. Not even sure where to begin to find myself......... What is life like from here on out? That is the nagging question..........

New tattoo

2005-08-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

sorry about the lighting.

My baby is 18 today.

2005-07-31T11:05:00.000-07:00

My baby is 18 today......... Whhaaaaa.... Just kidding, it feels a little strange to know she is of adult age, but she is a good responsible person. I know I am not unique in this coming of age day however it a milestone to all so I have to have my moment. This evening she is having some girlfriends over for pizza, cake and hot tub.

Dinner

2005-07-30T22:56:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh dinner was just fabulous. The atmosphere was just to much to ask for we went to a little Italian restaurant that Justin and Jessica have gone to a few times, they are treated like royality (probably because the big tipper that Justin is) but still whatever it takes right?. Jessica really really loves her scrapbooks and picture book. Said she always wanted something like it made me feel really good that I could give her something that was meaningful for a special birthday.

What's been happening in my little world.....

2005-07-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

I haven't kept up with my blog entries lately life seems to be very hectic. Hopefully after this week it will calm down some for me. Tomorrow is Jessica's 18th birthday I almost got her scrapbook completed, it actually is turning out much better than I thought I would (especially for the first one). I am really looking forward to working on more scrapbooks so I may get even more creative.

Last weekend my friend Kelli in Sacramento, ca invited me over to sit by the pool all day. Niece is with me all weekend so I wasn't sure if I wanted to deal with her but decided to go anyways. Husband decided he would golf with Ray (Kelli's husband) on Saturday. Which meant a very early rising on Saturday morning to go over the hill, this does not work for me, I convinced husband we should drive over Friday night so I could sleep in LOL.... Saturday was great did nothing but sit by the pool, and of course I don't know when to say when (because of course I know how much sun I can take, I have semi olive skin) lets just I was a lobster.

Took niece home on Wednesday night and let me tell you I was totally ready. Not that she was bad or anything but it is the constant attention, and no time for myself (I know how selfish of me) but my days of having young ones around 24hours a day are long past. No time to do my usual nothing in the evenings, like surfing, blogging etc.

I so wanted to sleep in this morning but NOOOOOOO that was not in the cards for me, Justin who has daughter this weekend asked if I wanted to keep her overnight so they could go to a concert (I of course can not say no, I make it too easy for him) so Makyla stays the night and tried to get up when husband got up, who if I haven't mentioned before gets up at the butt ass crack of dawn I think he got up this morning at 5:30am. So than the dogs get all stirred up start scratching at their door to be let out. Once they are let out my little Sassy grabs a toy with a squeaker in it and proceeds to run around squeaking this damn toy (this squeaking fun she has is really cute m-f when I am already awake just not on the weekends, she doesn't seem to get the difference) . So between Kyla wanting to get up and the dog squeaking her toy at a non stop rate, sleep was broken up for the next 3 1/2 hours.

Today Kyla and I are going to run errands I am on vacation until August 8th so I need to get things for the house for daughter and husband to survive without me for a week. Every year me and 3 other girlfriends from other states get together somewhere for a week and bond it is a total YaYa sisterhood time. Then tonight we are taking Jessica to dinner for her birthday and tomorrow towards evening she is having girlfriends over for cake, pizza and some hot tubbing. Than Monday I leave for my bonding week, Sac first than on to San Francisco to see an A's game than to Napa for a Spa than back to Sac, than on to home. Whewwww I am tired just typing this much.

Seems I kind of whined enough in this post so I will get off here and begin my errands.

a few days of thoughts...

2005-07-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

Haven't written any thoughts in the last few days thought jot a few lines down. The weekend was very nice Makyla was with us during both Saturday and Sunday, she is pleasure to have around. Printed pictures for Jessica's scrapbook until midnight Saturday, now I need to go up to the spare room and dig out some really young pictures of her before digital (thank goodness for digital I have a bunch of film rolls that need to be developed years OLD, wonder how long they last).

Sunday invited Justin & Sarah (girlfriend) over to have salad and sit in the hot tub. We really enjoyed the company Jessica hung out with us as well. I enjoy these times when Justin and Jessica have time to just sit around instead of popping in and out as quickly as they popped in.

Yesterday was Monday which by most accounts was okay. Went to personal training session makes me feel 100% better about myself, I love the feeling of sore muscles from a good work out. In about 2 weeks will be my girlfriends week, so I worked on their presents which also include pictures, back to the marathon printing sessions. Sure didn't get much sleep last night and it wasn't even due to Jessica being late, she was actually early last night. However when I rolled over to look at the clock I saw 2:15am, so I was semi lying there waiting to hear Jessica come in, after 20 minutes I was getting mad so I looked at the clock again realized it was only 12:35am. Techinally she still had 2 hours so I am practically wide awake but can't go back to sleep and was very flusterated. Such is life of a parent of a young adult LOL.

Court today....

2005-07-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

Well my daughter and son had a stupid (and I need to strongly say STUPID) innocent at our local casino which has a bowling alley. So today Jessica has to go to court for Petty Larceny (mom is not very happy with her). I had to go down the night this happen for the police to release her in my care, even thou her brother is 22 yrs old they wouldn't release her to him because he was being charged as well (again stupid). Stupid that the both of them had to carry the situation this far and stupid because the Hilton Security is just stupid.

I was there for the first part of this little story but I left because I thought Justin and Jessica were getting to mouthy with the desk personal at the bowling alley. I think what happen is..... Justin had Makyla and they like to do things with her so it was decided to take her bowling, there was 4 of them renting shoes and bowling. A deposit was required at that time in order to even get the bowling shoes. So they are bowling no issues until about the 8th frame they shut the game down, so Justin and Jessica go see what is up. The desk attendant (very young man I need to add) said they did not pay, well that is untrue because how could they of gotten the shoes for all 4 of them. Anyways, Justin and Jessica start getting upset because the young desk attendant won't give their deposit back, so Justin cops an attitude saying he will just keep the bowling shoes (mind you all of their personal shoes are still being held behind the desk), well when Justin and Jessica start getting mouthy I decided I was getting embarrassed so I was leaving. (I am only there watching the game not participating)

Apparently this situation got out of hand, something about a security guard was man handling Justin so his sister decided that was unacceptable and jumped on the security guard. Needless to say a few hours later I was called to come pick up Jessica. From Justin and Jessica's side they wanted to return the shoes but also wanted the deposit back, before this exploded the manager of the bowling alley got involved, only listened to the young desk attendant's side and stuck by the fact that they didn't pay so no deposit back. This is when Justin, Jessica decided to walk out of the bowling alley with the shoes on. But somewhere between Justin being jumped by the security guard they told the same guard they would give the shoes back to bring their personal shoes and they would swap. (are you able to follow along). I kind of get lost somewhere from this point on. I haven't seen a police report or anything but both were charged with petty larceny (of f*cking bowling shoes which they don't have). I guess I should be glad she wasn't charged with attacking a security guard.

I have to admit it was several months ago this happene, so when I think about it now it is slightly funny when I picture my daughter who is probably 5'5 jumping on a guard to protect her brother, but I want her to know that letting a situation get this carried away is wrong she needs better self control.

whats up with that???

2005-07-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

I changed to a new template and lost the links I had, (sad face).

Where to begin..............

2005-07-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

My 2 children are fighting, but not normal sibling stuff. They really love each other and love hanging out together, but Jessica works for Justin so the problem really is Justin's girlfriend who works at Justin's piercing shop when she feels like. Jessica feels she does all the cleaning, stocking etc. Sarah comes to work on the rare occasions makes a mess and leaves. My feelings are that both girls want to be top dog at the shop. Jessica because she is his sister and has been with him at the shop since he took ownership at the first of the year. And Sarah because she lives and sleeps with him. Justin feels stuck in the middle between his sister and his girlfriend. Jessica and Sarah get along if work is not in the mix for the day. I tell Jessica to go find a different job but she really loves working there, unfortunately I don't see Justin cracking down on Sarah to improve her work habits. I just hate when there is tension between them.

Long afternoon

2005-07-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

could this day get any longer? I swear the minutes are ticking off slower than a snail crossing the road. I have work I should be doing but can not seem to stayed focused, must have adult ADD, LOL......

Whew....................

2005-07-11T18:45:00.000-07:00

Whew that hour session kicked my butt. I was waiting to see how I felt before I decided if I would stay for the jazzercise class, but of course I was exhausted. Plus it was my first day back after 3 weeks, wouldn't want to rush into anything (laughing).

Our personal trainer is my age and looks absolutely terrific, along with also having 3 children. At least she is not some 20 something making be want to kill myself because she looks so hot. She also teaches the jazzercise class. She only takes about 4-5 of us so she can concentrate on our technics. I was so tired I had to write a check for the sessions, my hand was so shakey I could barely get it together.

Lunch choice

2005-07-11T09:47:00.000-07:00

like I said I am going to a lunch today, this is what I will have and can still feel good about my eating, (except if I split some fries with someone, fries are my downfall).

Only 550 calories
GUILTLESS GRILL® PITA Grilled chicken, pico de gallo, lettuce & our low fat Ranch dressing. Served w/black beans.
550 / 70 / 9 / 3 / 13 $6.99

Monday

2005-07-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

Back to work, oh the joys of a job. Going to lunch today to celebrate a co-workers Birthday, doesn't do anything for my calorie counting. I had planned for a good week of eating (I know use self control) which is always easier said than done.

Slept okay last night even thou Jessica returned from Portland, she was in early which was a relief. She hung out at the house with her BF.

This afternoon I am returning to work outs, I have been lax the last few weeks due to vacation, watching grand-daughter, BIL's motorcycle accident. However, I am already sore from laying rest of the tile yesterday I know Debbie (personal trainer) will work me hard. I am for sure going to the personal training session but still deciding if I will stay for Jazzercise, I'll see how much energy I have.

Some tile & spa pictures

2005-07-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

these are the 2 projects we have been working on, Jeff and I built the gazebo ourselfs from a kit of course, but none the less.

Exhausted after tile job

2005-07-09T18:18:00.000-07:00

Of course we didn't finish, so that means tomorrow I still get the pleasure of working again on it. I know you are sitting there thinking why didn't it get finished, well glad you asked, husband feels it is priority number one to golf every Saturday. Now I really don't mind that he golfs I love having the house to myself in the mornings. Problem is when we have projects that HE wants to work on on Saturdays he is usually to tired after golf therefore can not sustain his energy to get it completed.

Niece is still hanging out, we took her in the hot tub for awhile after we stopped working on the sunroom tile. The little ones all think it is a big bathtub, hopefully her dad will come soon. Just ordered Applebee's for our fine dining enjoyment. Think I will work on printing pictures out for the scrapbooks I intend to put together for Jessica for her 18th birthday.

Saturday

2005-07-09T10:47:00.000-07:00

Today has finally started for me around 10am, slept in felt great. I had no worries last night, Jessica is in Portland with my Mom. Which meant I didn't have to worry if she made it home at night from (sorry to say) partying. I don't get much sleep these days due to worrying at 2am if she is alright. I know I need to get over this but I don't seem to be able to find a peaceful place until she is home in her bed.

Waiting for man of the house to get home from golf so we can begin the hellish task of completing the tile in the sunroom.

Niece stayed the night she is quietly eating her frozen waffles (I know nice aunt frozen food). Well the quietness lasted all but 5 minutes she is hounding be because she is bored, now mind you she is only 6. Let me go find something for her to engage her brain with.

My sweet daughters 1st tattoo

2005-07-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

This is the outline with some color need to take a picture of what she has done. Jessica sat for 6 hours her first tattoo.

Glad it's Friday

2005-07-08T22:59:00.000-07:00

My day has now come to an end it is 11:00PM almost ready for bed. Work was a joke today as most days are. Had trouble making to work on time, but no worries boss is okay with it. Husband and I had a few drinks while he sat in the hot tub. Went to my sister's to start working on Jessica's scrapbooks for her 18th birthday. It was kinda of sad looking at the pictures of my children from several years ago they were so young and innocent, also sad was to see how much thinner I was.

Cierra came home with to spend the night. Her dad is taking off with his bike club for the day leaving mommy with all the children while our Mom and Jessica are in Portland visiting Adam. Personal opinion Mike is not being very considerate nor making his family priority.

Weather has been wonderful I love the heat.

testing of the blog

2005-07-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

okay this is my first attempt at this very interesting Blog stuff. Does this mean I am blogging? or am I now a blogger???? If I am blogger does make you reading this a bloggee???